This is tough because at times I feel like “yeah I totally felt like I had suspicions.” But I can’t tell if those were suspicions, or just the feelings of never quite fitting in anywhere.
It does’t help that I was teased a lot as a kid, always in a joking and playful way by friends and family. (never intentionally to hurt me.)
However, it did hurt for some reason… and that is where I feel like the suspicious feeling comes in.
I have always had hooded eyes. Or as others might call it “asian eyes”. When I was in middle school and high school, people would always always say things like “You must be adopted…” and “Maybe you have a different dad! haha how crazy would that be.” and often responses like “No way, that’s your sister!? She’s like blonde with blue eyes!” or “Where did you even come from? You don’t look anything like your siblings.”
As harmless as those little questions or statements were, they felt like tiny daggers in a hole I somehow already had in my heart.
I often would internally step back and think “well… am I adopted? They aren’t wrong… Is it possible?” But I’d shove it down and move on.
So I guess, on some level, I did have suspicions.
But holy cow, when I found out about my biological dad, and ALLLLLLLL of those weird little questions and statements from friends and strangers suddenly becoming TRUE…. that feeling of answered wonders was like nothing I’ve felt before. I felt Instant placement.
Those things I always wondered were finally over. They finally had answers I didn’t realize I needed.
The first time I met my biological dad, I posted a picture on Instagram of us side by side, and a close friend of mine left a comment that said the words I wasn’t quite able to form just yet:
“The Eye Mystery = Solved!”