Before I Begin:
I just want to remind you that I am not an expert on any of this. I only know my own story and experiences, and I can only speak from what I have been through. So please, if you are seeking help for your own story, talk to a professional before making any decisions. I’m hopeful that I can offer insights from my story that can open your eyes to the many perspectives and possible outcomes of these somewhat unorthodox circumstances.
“How Did You Find Him?”
Well, for me this wasn’t too difficult since most of my family knew the history of how I came to be.
(that history is not my story to tell, so i’m not going to get into it. But as far as I know, my mom and her husband [dad who raised me] were separated for a while, so she was with my biological dad during that time.)
My biological dad actually lives in, and is from, my mom’s home town in Montana! So I was able to reach out to my grandparents as well. When my brother called to tell me, I think he told me his first name. My brother actually remembers him from when my mom and bio dad were together. But I was able to put a full name together after asking some family members.
At the time, I couldn’t really ask my mom. There was a little shock there for both of us at the beginning.
My Advice For Anyone Looking For Their Parents
First, start by talking to your parents. They love you, and they will understand if you have a burning desire to know your roots if it’s safe and at all possible. They know the history and they know what is best for you.
Second, be patient with your parents. There are a lot of different emotions for them here no matter the situation. Extend grace if they get a little upset. Don’t pull away… Keep trying.
Third, remind them that you love them. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m pretty positive that you love your parents, and you aren’t looking for your biological roots because your parents aren’t enough for you. Make sure they hear that. you might say “they already know that, it goes without saying.”
Say it anyway. They need to hear it. ❤️
If I hadn’t been able to get my dad’s information from family, I would have connected with TONS of extended family on Ancestry.
I took an Ancestry DNA test a few years ago, and their last name was alllll over my results. You can reach out to other members through your Ancestry account, and I would have messaged everyone I could seeking information on who it could have been.
I believe 23andMe is the same, if not better!
I’m not for sure about 23andMe because I have never done it, I think Ancestry requires a monthly membership fee to build a family tree, as well as finding out where exactly your ancestors came from and details on health history if that’s something you’re interested in knowing.
If you have tried that and are at a loss, maybe reach out to
Searchangels.org is a non profit organization that can assist you with your Genealogy and DNA test results if you are seeking to unravel the past in search for your biological family roots.
“Do You Wish You Had Found Out Sooner?”
I would not wish to change the past.
I know I wouldn’t be the woman I am today had things been different.
My faith wouldn’t be as strong as it is today, I wouldn’t have my relationships as strong as they are today, and I certainly would not have the honor of speaking to all of you.
Do I sometimes feel sad about the lost time? Sure. But we can all feel sad if we choose to look into our pasts simply searching for losses.
I feel sad for my dad and his wife that they didn’t have a hand in raising me… because I know that pains them a lot. And I feel sad that I didn’t get to be a big sister to my newest brother and sister earlier on in their lives.
But what happened, somehow, made us more tight knit. I think our relationships somehow seem stronger than they maybe would have been if I had known all along.
There is no way to know. But I’m happy. and I’m so blessed.
I choose to see my story through the lease of beauty.
Here’s the thing…
It sucks that so many people look at my story like it’s a bad thing.
But ya know what?
I would be completely MISSING THE POINT if I didn’t use this opportunity to show you the power of God and His redeeming love.
This is a story of redemption.
It is the very definition of redemption…
I was brought into this world from a sinful and messy situation…
Something that satan intended for destruction,
God is using for good.
If that’s not the gospel you guys…
I don’t know what is.
and so many of you who are watching me right now,
don’t. know. that. truth.
I will forever use my story for His glory.
The gospel is a message about God.
The gospel is a message about Man.
The gospel is a message about
The gospel is a message about you…
What will you do?
To Be Continued...
I’ll be sharing one final piece to this story in Part 4:
“Letters From Me To You”
The child who just found out.
The Mama who’s fearful of telling her child.
The Non-Biological Dad who stepped in.