A Letter From Mema
I have been racking my brain of what to write.
I have given insight through Sophia’s story, to what I was and am feeling. The heartbreak is inevitable, given the circumstance. But what do I have to offer to someone that is going through this exact same thing?
I could give the standard advice like pray and get a good attorney, don’t give up, be bold. It just all seems cliche to me, as we all know that is what needs to be done. What I can tell you is what not to do.
DO NOT BE ASHAMED!!
This happens to the best of families. Transparency is freeing. Feelings, emotions… It’s all ok to feel what you are feeling. And you know what? It’s ok to not be ok for awhile. It’s ok to verbalize that to your friends and family. That’s what they are there for. To carry you when you can’t stand on your own. They are there to speak to your fears and put things into perspective. Cry until you can’t cry anymore, be mad, be sad, rejoice in the little accomplishments, jump for joy for the big accomplishments. If you need a counselor, then by all means, go get one!
Just don’t hide.
Did you know that this is more common than you may think?
Grandparents raising Grandkids.
Why, then, can we not find more information on the subject?
I think it is shame. That’s my opinion. It is a hard thing to face. Your kid is a drug addict, is a hard nut to swallow. Now you are raising your grandchild! WOW! Judgement falls and you think everybody thinks you are a horrible parent. Not to mention you are judging yourself for being a horrible parent and somehow you are to blame.
Shame shame and more shame.
Then the “staying quiet” and “not talking” begins. The hiding.
Don’t do that.
Don’t hide. It doesn’t help at all. There is such relief in being open and transparent. And by that, I don’t mean go off airing all your dirty laundry and posting every thing on social media. But to actually be telling someone that your life is an absolute shit show and you are walking through one of the most heartbreaking times in your whole life, takes walls down. People love to help. They love to talk. They can relate and chances are, their lives aren’t going so well either. It’s life.
Tom and I have grown into this whole “new parent” role.
It seemed weird, at first, to call her our daughter.
We are not young.
We have now made a game of it and it makes us giggle. When we are in public with Sophia and introduce her as our daughter, we get very strange looks. You can see the wheels turning on these complete strangers. They are trying to figure out how that happened given our age, and yet, aren’t verbalizing. Tom just walks away saying, “that’s right, I’m a stud!” And I smile sheepishly. It’s funny and the humor gets us through
Lastly, I know this whole story has been about us rescuing Sophia,
but you know what?
I think she rescued us too.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27